As I'm writing this, I'm taking a much-needed 3 days of "staycation". I've often loathed this word, but as things have become more and more busy for me at work along with everything that I've endured with my personal life, I need it now more than ever.
I have a ton of things to catch up on while I'm off: some appointments, my house, hopefully a movie, and some much needed writing time as well. But this also means doing something that I'm learning to live with: letting go. I'm in a weird space with work: I'm acting like a boss, but I'm not quite official in the title.1 It's a trial run. And for the most part, I feel like I've been doing a great job in handling it. When it comes to taking some time for me and letting that stuff be handled by others, I've noticed that it's difficult for me.
I haven't officially managed others before, but I'm getting the opportunity to manage my peers and others through my role. It's been a unique experience to visibly see the transition from someone who 'does' to someone who 'manages'. And being honest: that transition is much harder than I thought it would be. It's a learning curve of ones self to let it go and get done, instead of doing.
Over the years, I've set some lofty goals and personal standards for myself. These aren't always shared in the same way by the people I work with. There are some ways I conduct myself that others might not.2 And it's hard to sometimes rely on others to complete assignments to your own personal standards. Hopefully I've laid out expectations and imparted what little wisdom I can to empower my supporting team to get everything completed while I'm away.
But there are times that you still have to be a 'doer'. You do have to let go, and trust that it's going to get done. The work will still be there when I get back. The building will still be around. The job will still need to be done. But I'm hoping that I can entrust some of my work to others and have them pick up the torch while I'm taking some time for me. I'm hopeful that come Monday, I'll be able to realize that this is ok and that I don't have as much to worry about as I think I do.